There is something about big cities - people love them and they love to hate them. Seoul is no different. Now, while I don't live in Seoul proper, I am close enough that I go to Seoul at least 3 times a week - and considering that more than a third of all Koreans live in or around Seoul, it is pretty fair to extend that adage to the whole country.

I'll put it another way. It's easy to get a good portion of the expatriate community to rattle off a long list of complaints about Korea. And at the same time, a good portion will tell you that despite it all, they really like it here. And I feel pretty much the same way. As my time in Korea has been drawing to a close, I realize how much I am going to miss it here - because of those experiences I've had that are uniquely Korean. Let's just say there isn't much subtlety to it - Korea is a headlong experience...

...Who Am I?

Mistaken identities. They can be fun, and they can be annoying. I'll start with the annoying ones. Mainly, that's the perception in Korea, that I am one of the illegal migrant workers from Indonesia, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, or the Phillipines - usually in that order. Not one person has ever guessed that I am Indian. Not one. However, someone did actually guess that I was born in Malaysia. And then, there was the taxi driver at the airport who actually guessed that I was an engineer, from the US. I don't know how...

The fun ones are generally more interesting, and you could say it starts with people mistaking my age - usually late 20's to early 30's. To the effect that I've been asked at which university in Korea I am a professor. There was one person who thought I was one of "those foreign baseball players" that they recruit to play in Korea. I was having dinner at a Seoul restaurant with my father, his Japanese colleague, and the director of my company, all three of whom were wearing suits, while I was in jeans and sneakers (and I was doing most of the eating). Maybe it looked like a deal was going down between my manager, my negotiator, and my potential team owner. I guess so...

But I never get mistaken for anything glamorous - no one has ever mistaken me for a movie star, supermodel, or pop icon... evidence, no doubt, of my stunning good looks...

A Certain Something In The Air

Spring came and went, and so did the riot season. Indicated by the clouds of tear gas (the stuff really works) that hang over various parts of the city, particularly around May Day. This year, the Labor Unions really got into it - in fact, I'd say they rather stole the show from the regulars - the college students. Of course, this can be attributed to the economic difficulties in Asia, and the government's efforts to deal with it and the stringent guidelines of the IMF.

But, that didn't keep the students from striking - again. In fact, a friend of mine's school was under strike for nearly a month. Korean students tend to strike about the government, the university administration, censorship, the economy, ad infinitum. Then, I read that striking students in the US were also fired upon with tear gas by riot police, and I thought to myself, "wow, so American students also care about these things." Later, I found out that the students were rioting because the schools decided to prohibit the consumption of alcoholic beverages during tailgate parties on campus...

Examples Of Konglish (Korean English)

• englishy = english
• traffic event = traffic accident
• bachessu = basket
• lunchy = lunch
• dashy = dash
• hopu = hof
• topu guyee = tough guy
• dis-u-co = disco
• hambogu = hamburger
• nederlansu = Netherlands
• I needu fire = ...or else I can't smoke my cigarette
• benzo = banjo
• osugeno = Oh Suzanna

You Probably Didn't Hear About This On CNN

• During Michael Jackson's recent investment visit to Korea (he wants to build an amusement park here - as if the Congress weren't funny enough), it turns out that the Gloved One took a fancy to Bi Bim Bap, a very popular Korean dish. So much so, it made the local headlines, the nightly news, the magazines, the radio, the internet...
 
• In a very informal and unscientific poll (ok, I'll admit it - this is according to one of my co-workers), in a hypothetical World Cup football [soccer] match-up between Brazil and Korea, 90% of Koreans believe that the Korean side would win, and the other 10% think it would end in a draw. Going out on a limb, I'd say that stating the statistical error here would be kind of pointless...

The Gambler

There are a number of things that prevent me from being a successful gambler. I don't know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em, when to walk away, or when to run. And I certainly haven't run across the problem of counting my money at the table. Well, I proved I can lose money gambling even when I'm standing up... this time, at the Seoul Racecourse. You know, I've always felt horses didn't much like me... no, no, no, you beastly creature, run the other way!

Sigh. Oh well. No mint juleps either...

I thought it was fairly obvious that I was - and still am - Indian. But judging from some responses, I guess it isn't soooo obvious. I have been called Egyptian, Morroccan - even Sicilian [Kathy Sweet, if you are still out there, I didn't really grow up on an olive orchard, slaving away under the hot Mediterranean sun].

In the past year, it has been suggested that I am "African" [by a six year old on the subway], Mulatto, Brazilian, and even [by the police, translated from the Korean]:

Yah, hullo Chief? We got this Mexican guy here...

As it happens, I was filling out a police theft report - though it has also been suggested that I may have mob links. Well, I'm no yakuza, but I understand they are hiring. Which is all very well, because one obviously confused individual asked me if I was Japanese...

Hai!Dozo!

Which reminds me... Japanese is such a terrifically polite sounding language - my father suggested that you could be verbally assaulted and never know it, because, for instance:

From The High Holy Bartender

Sleep Deprivation

Remember REM penned a song called Nightswimming? Well, how about Nightfishing then? When my resident state (imbalance?) held elections, most businesses shut down for the day, resulting in an impromptu holiday - and, a blessed relief from the hordes of election supporters. Starting at about 5AM, they would start chanting through bullhorns and loudspeakers, and finally, Mr. Candidate, for they were all Mr., would come on to spread his gospel. And then, the lone supporter would clap vigorously.

Now, I don't really care if someone wants to drum up support for an election, but I can tell you, yelling at me at 5 in the morning isn't going to work.

Anyways, the point was, it was a day off. So, the night before the big day, some of my mates decided that we should go fishing up in the mountains. Good idea. First, we need supplies. Chips, beer, soju, ramen, ice cream, and pizza. Oh, and fishing gear. Yah, that's probably important...

Or is it? We didn't actually catch anything but moonbeams. Not a nibble. The only thing that got hooked was my friend's thumb. So, all night, we got soppy under the stars, and wondered aloud at those light flashes in the sky. Or were they really there? All I remember was - no fish. And it was cold. And the river, well, if I were a fish, I wouldn't have chosen that one either...

Conversation At A Makkoli Jip

Me:"This is pig intestine, isn't it?"

Not Me:"Ahni, ahni [no, no], it's vegetable. Eat it. It's good for you. Very tasty."

The Island That Sometimes Is, And Sometimes Isn't

Always interesting are the little islands that dot the coasts of Korea. In particular, there are those that end up being beached by the outgoing tides. The consequence of this is that those who drive over once-submerged roads during the day run the risk of being stranded by the full tide at night.

Such an island is Chebu-do, where a group of us headed for what, at least I, was mislead to believe would be a pleasant picnic by the seaside. Of course, I should have known better - this is after all Korea, where nothing is at it seems.
 

"Sure, they'll have something to eat besides seafood. Well, if they don't, at least it will all be cooked. Well, if it isn't, at least it will all be dead. Well, if it isn't at least it won't be poisonous. Well, if it is, at least the tide will still be out."

"Well,..."

So, after watching about a thousand people squelching about in the mud for clams, we did eventually go to a restaurant, where, as expected, they only served fresh seafood - the emphasis being on fresh. For myself and a vegetarian friend, the hostess promised to prepare a bunch of appetizers to choose from so that we would have something to eat, while my more barbaric friends enjoyed themselves.

Obviously, our hostess enjoys a sense of humour - yes, she understood that my friend and I didn't care for fish. Which explains why she brought out plate after plate of oysters. Raw, bloody, oysters. And a dish of creamed corn. In the end, I only ate the bowl of rice - a very expensive bowl of rice that was...

More Things That You Can Only Find In Korea

• Tiny greeting cards called snot cards
• Figh-ting! - Korea's rallying cry
• 815 - a soft drink named after the national independence day (August 15)
• Pepsi Man!

A good question. Right now, I'm on a subway train back to Ansan. Having a chat with a slightly intoxicated, and hopefully off-duty, police officer. Twice a week, I teach a class (conversational English) in Seoul - a bit of a trek, but its been a lot of fun. The classes are great, and I've been meeting a lot of interesting people. Come to think of it, I'm wondering how much actual learning is involved. Invariably, we end up going out after class - meaning, beer, soju, and makkoli, followed, on some occasions, by the disuco, nori-bang, and the yogwan, in that order. Tonight, well, tonight was no different. At least I'm making it back to Ansan, unlike last week. And the week before that...

sorry daiyo

Well, that's about it. The end of my story so far. I will be in Korea for a bit longer, and I expect to have some more interesting experiences - I'm planning a trip to the island of Cheju-do, dubbed the Pearl of the Orient by Newsweek, and to Kyungju, once seat of the Shilla Dynasty, to see the burial mounds.

Korea, its a good place to visit. Surprise of surprises, I even found, at long last, not one, but two decent Mexican restaurants. And I suppose I could grow my own coriander... So come on down. We'll keep the shrimp and the octopus off the, ahem, barbie, for you.